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Writer's Block: Three Books   
04:01pm 22/09/2011
mood: frustrated
List three books that have changed your life:

Endless Love (Scott Spencer)

The Unbearable Lightness of Being (Milan Kundera)

The Lorax (Dr. Suess)
09:16am 02/08/2011
mood: contemplative
I forgot my book at home. Today's going to be a slow day.

I'm thinking about all the choices I've made in my life.
How I am here now, who I am now, who is with me now.
All these rules I've made for myself to keep myself in line.

I am a responsible adult. I am a domesticated woman.

When I was a teenager I wanted a ton of friends and every boy I could.
Now the only people I want to see is my family, and there's never enough time.

I feel a bit out of touch.
I'm turning 27.
I'm so conflicted.
I miss some things I grew out of.
But isn't there a reason I moved on?
Isn't there a reason they moved on?
03:27pm 30/03/2011
mood: irritated

i guess i can't get too upset that a dude doesn't want to come to the opera with me.
but to sit at home doing nothing? why not come? why not experience something different?

i would do something with him that i wouldn't normally do or enjoy, just to spend the time with him, to bond in a different way.

i know our casual relationship has allowed us to stay our own people, with our own activities, with our own friends. [edit: unless its something he wants to do, with his friends] but now that we're supposed to be getting married, i feel like we should share more.

i know i can be more patient. but how much longer can i wait for that 'one day'? when im not happy today. when i wasn't really happy yesterday.

carl came to the opera last time.
he didn't lose any manhood doing it.
carl comes with me thrift store shopping. carl suggests food festivals and outdoor music events for us to attend. carl agrees to my spur of the moment trips and whimsical adventures. carl's not afraid. carl is also not my boyfriend. he is not my fiance. he is not the man i want to settle down with and be forever.

10:40am 25/03/2011
mood: pensive
I wanted all things
To seem to make some sense,
So we could all be happy, yes,
Instead of tense.
And I made up lies
So that they all fit nice,
And I made this sad world
A par-a-dise.
10:53am 21/09/2010
  I know I've quoted Milan Kundera on here before. I found another book of his, The Book of Laughter and Forgetting, at a thrift store the other day and it has me totally engrossed. Here's a gem I want to share:

"People are always shouting they want to create a better future. It's not true. The future is an apathetic void of no interest to anyone. The past is full of life, eager to irritate us, provoke and insult us, tempt us to destroy or repaint it. The only reason people want to be masters of the future is to change the past."

And because I love it so much, from The Unbearable Lightness of Being:

"She had an overwhelming desire to tell him, like the most banal of women. Don't let me go, hold me tight, make me your plaything, your slave, be strong! But they were words she could not say.

The only thing she said when he released her from his embrace was, "You don't know how happy I am to be with you." That was the most her reserved nature allowed her to express."

"loves are like empires: when the idea they are founded on crumbles, they, too, fade away."

"The goals we pursue are always veiled. A girl who longs for marriage longs for something she knows nothing about. The boy who hankers after fame has no idea what fame is. The thing that gives our every move its meaning is always totally unknown to us."

"Why don't you ever use your strength on me?" she said.
Because love means renouncing strength," said Franz softly."

"For Sabina, living in truth, lying neither to ourselves nor to others, was possible only away from the public: the moment someone keeps an eye on what we do, we involuntarily make allowances for that eye, and nothing we do is truthful. Having a public, keeping a public in mind, means living in lies."
01:27pm 07/09/2010
  sometimes in my dreams i am so angry i can not even speak.
i have to use so much restraint and control my emotions to even produce a whisper.
02:40pm 03/09/2010
mood: chipper
What a busy day at work! I'm slightly exhausted but i won't complain too much because the day is just zipping by. I don't mind keeping busy. It's been a while since I've manned the drive up alone.

Three day weekend, except I'm working Saturday. Again, I won't complain much, it's all over- time hours. Monday is a much anticipated drive to the beach, maybe Pensacola or maybe Gulf Shores. Either way, a beach where I can swim. I've had my car well over a year now and the longest trips we've been on were to Baton Rouge and Bush. I love me some road trips; I feel this one's way over due.

I feel fall coming! I can smell it in the air. As soon as September rolled around, it may be in my head, but I can feel it in my bones. The excitement of football season, cool weather, live music, and of course October and its madness right around the corner. I just want to have a hundred cigarettes on my balcony and feel the frosty air come and meditate and be free, untie my strings and release myself. I love the fall. Don't care much for winter but fall is when i feel ALIVE. Renewed. Infallible. Vivacious. In love with everything and everyone. Joyous.

Life has been very joyous lately. This summer was nice, oppressively hot, and uneventful. I saved a lot and skipped out on other things in order to go on the cruise around my birthday. The cruise was worth every night out dancing or dinner that I sacrificed. The apartment is cozy, we've moved right in and settled right down. The location is great, we still have the bees, and no vacuum cleaner. But it's alright, everything works out, and Medardo still keeps me fed well.

I have never been in a more perfect relationship. I'm being terribly cheesy but entirely truthful when I say Medardo is the most amazing man I know and I am so blessed to be in a relationship as perfect as ours is. I've been blinded by love many times over and yet not a single time has that love been as special as this. I haven't rushed a single feeling and yet each day I fall more in love, I grow even closer to him. Every morning I wake up next to him knowing I am so lucky to have gone through everything I have and to still end up with a real solid relationship, these true happy feelings, this amazing awesome person is probably more than I deserve. I have been promiscuous, I have been insatiable. And yet, here I am with someone I never expected and in a relationship I never forced. And it's perfect. I realize the reason I could never settle and I'm glad I didn't. I deserve more. I deserve this. I deserve to be happy. I am filled with love and happiness, thanks to Medardo, I don't have to look anywhere else. I've got it!
ramblings from craigslist   
01:07pm 13/07/2010
  "...individuals who are actively interested in growing and developing healthy relationships with their friends, family, significant others, etc., might develop better self-awareness and consciously avoid manipulative relationship practices. "
you must have forgot that i am a sex god
sex god can get sex
sex god can't seem to find true love
If you can't enjoy the relationship for what you're getting out of it, get out
She sounds like a bitch, and you're
allowing her to treat you like shit.
Fuck her in the ass and leave.
12:36pm 25/06/2010
mood: thoughtful
what a nice day at work!
employee apreciation = 'red carpet', roses, balloons, coffee mug, pen, muffins, cupcakes, red velvet cake, cokes, fried chicken, baked macaronis...
also, vitamin water promotion people brought mini powerade play, smart water packs, and vitamin water xxx


ready for the weekend. tommorrow: blue bayou with cousins. swimming by the apartment with my bestest oldest girl friends. dance party at the den for charity. sunday: french quarter shopping!

i read my journal from june 2005 to august 2006. nothing like reading about disasters i've been through to keep things in perspective. i've gotten really depressed about the oil in the gulf. really depressed.

medardo made lasagna last night. it was amazing. i have the most amazing boyfriend ever. i've had a few but he is by far the best. :)
03:23pm 16/06/2010
mood: distressed
I hate it when I hear someone talk about how sick they are of hearing about the oil in the gulf. I wish MORE people were talking about it. The more awareness there is, the more of a chance something will get done. We've been hearing about oil gushing into the gulf since April. But how much has been done? How much is out of our hands and there's nothing to do about it? We hear about this head official and these expert scientists, thier estimates and objectives, and all the talking heads with thier opinions and blame. But it doesn't matter if nothing's getting fixed. It's the same as it was in week one, pointing fingers, stalling ideas, ruining lives, destroying the environment, wasting non renewable resources. WITH NO END. I'm such an optimistic and positive person. This oil spill brings me to tears every day. Nothing else in my life has made me cry in the past two years as much as I have cried in the past two months. I am filled with sorrow and despair. I think of all these innocent animals and vegetation, so vital to our ecology and our economy. Dying. Rotting.
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11:38am 26/05/2010
  I enter sweeepstakes like crazy from lucky magazine online. Like any other sweepstakes, winners are chosen at random. The comments people submit are amazingly depressing. These I copied and pasted right off the top of a trip to Costa Rica.

Comments (94)

I have been working non stop since I was 17 including 4 yrs in the Navy and 17 years in my current job (even worked while attending college). And I've been dealing with chronic back pain for the last year...I'm tired and need a relaxing break. Pick me PLEASE!
isiskdt5/26/2010 11:26:22 AM

I have never been any further than Florida and its very nice there but, man this place is amazing, how beautiful. Good luck to all, I still hope that I win though
jerribama5/25/2010 11:15:22 PM

This looks like HEAVEN on EARTH! It would thrill me!
taigirl5/25/2010 10:38:05 PM

This would be so wonderful I have been on social security disability for 5 years and con't afford to go anywhere. Especially would be so great for me since I am a widow and alone. I have always dreamed of going to costa rica maybe I will!!
angelkitti5/25/2010 3:38:23 PM

This August celebrates my one-year anniversary of finishing chemo and my 40th! How fabulous it would be to celebrate in style! Shang-ri-la, in-the-zen, or glitz-and-glam-vegas style!
mtgorton5/24/2010 7:38:19 PM

would love to win this!
Oolala5/23/2010 10:04:58 PM

My mom has gone through a lot this last year, lost her job, went through a morgage closing... I would love to take her here to just relax
JessAkaThatRedhead5/23/2010 5:17:20 PM

oooh my gosh!! I would feel like I was in heaven.
robinmullens5/23/2010 11:10:39 AM

I am 56 and starting a new job soon. Husband going through chemo and I am tired-would love to be pampered for a few days!
Orlita5/23/2010 10:58:59 AM
Movie Posters   
11:37am 25/02/2010
  These are authentic full size movie posters I have accumulated over the two & a half years I worked at a theater. They take up too much room and I am never going to be able to hang them all up. Most are horror, some are comedy, the rest are bound to be classics. All are in flawless condition. Please help me find them new homes. I live in the New Orleans area so we can meet up at a public place to make the exchange easier. Just comment back or email me at i_am_daniela@yahoo.com & put "movie posters" in the subject line.

Jackass Number Two -Johnny Knoxville on Rocket
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Big Fat Liar
Hide & Seek
Wrong Turn
Forbidden Kingdom
The Orphanage
The Golden Compass (1)Girl & Bear only (2)Kidman, Craig, Girl & Bear
Dragon Wars
Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Get Rich or Die Trying
Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
Son of Rambow
One Missed Call
The Eye
Be Kind Rewind
Children of Men
The Reaping
Night at The Museum
Black Xmas
The Descent
After Dark Horror Fest: 8 Films to Die for
Undercover Brother
Jet Li's Fearless
Black Snake Moan
Shrek the Third
The Hitcher
The Invisible
The Strangers
Starsky & Hutch
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
Hostel Part II
Live Free or Die Hard
Fast Food Nation
Diary of a Mad Black Woman
A History of Violence
I Know Who Killed Me
Prom Night
Gangs of New York
The Ruins
Little Miss Sunshine
Lady in the Water
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12:28pm 21/02/2010

Created on 2002-12-16 19:41:50 (#816351), last updated 2010-02-21
12:19pm 21/02/2010
mood: accomplished
I went crazy at a book sale & thrift store. Marking down my finds:

Letters from the Earth
Mark Twain

just like that
marsha qualey

The Professor and the Madman
Simon Winchester

Alfred Hitchcock presents: Stories for Late at Night

The Lovely Bones
Alice Sebold

The Upright Man
Michael Marshall

Boys Together: English Public Schools 1800 - 1864
John Chandos

Random Acts of Senseless Violence
Jack Womack

Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim
David Sedaris

Lies my Teacher Told Me
James Loewen

The Story of America in Pictures
Alan Collins

In our Strange Gardens
Michael Quint

A Toast Before Dying
Grace Edwards

The Algiers Motel Incident
John Hersey

Deep and Dark and Dangerous
Mary Downing Hahn

The Yellow Room COnspiracy
Peter Dickinson

Lorenzo Carcaterra

Elmore Leonards

The Woman in White
Wilkie Collins

L Ron Hubbard

V for Vendetta
Alan Moore & David LLoyd

The Green Consumer
Elkington, Hailes, & Makower

The Simple Guide to Dog Training
Tom Philbin

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10:46am 14/01/2010
  i'm tired of this bank buisness.
it's easy, it pays, it's boring.
     Read 1 - Post
11:30am 26/11/2009
  i found this box in my room full of stuff from highschool & my first year of college. I can't believe how long i've kept this stuff. And now I don't know what to do with it all. I don't like throwing away letters, wether they're neutral from friends or emotional from boyfriends. I should throw away my progress reports and report cards but I haven't yet. I have a stack of green office invitations and a few disciplinary notes. And then there are my doodles, friend's doodles that I can't bring myself to throw away either. I've tossed some stuff, things that tie me down to ex boyfriends, but those letters I don't know what to do with. Some stuff I have to give back, I can't throw away. Some things remind me of how close I was to some people who I never see anymore. It's a new era for me. I have become so distanced from highschool. A little sad, but it's about time. I guess I have to start making this new life for me. Stay thinking about my future and less about my past. These things have made me who I am but they can't hold me back. I can't wish for what used to be. I haven't in a while, but I get nostalgic every so often and because of that nostaglia I also get depressed. Over all the what ifs and could have beens. I'm working on it. It's thanksgiving today so I am thinking about everything I am grateful for. I am grateful for everything I've been through and everyone who has touched me positively or negatively. It's always been up to me to learn from it. I hope I've done a good job.  
these stories don't mean anything...   
10:47am 22/10/2009
  i've been having some wierd dreams lately.  
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03:43pm 04/10/2009
mood: crappy
This should have been an awesome weekend. I don't know why I feel so down. It's not like me to really get depressed but that's how I feel. I was blaming it on lack of sleep and women's issues. But i got sleep last night, twelve hours worth. And it's been a few days with my woman thing. But still I'm not myself. I'm not used to feeling this heavy and not being able to shake it. I guess the rain doesn't help and neither is being alone. I was bored and re read my old email on myspace. 2005 to 2006. random things like replied surveys. plans with my friends. getting to know new friends at school & the theater. loosing friends but trying to stay in touch with them. not a single boyfriend letter. just friends, but it made me lonely because these are kids that I dont or rarely rarely talk to these days. I guess that's growing up. But I was just so excited with everything I had to say. Not that I'm always down like I am now, but I guess the difference in feelings... I can't even watch this stupid saints game. I mass texted friends an hour ago before it started and nobody's responded. i'm itchy. i have misquito bites all over my feet and legs. i wanted to go to the Gretna Heritage Festival. See The Guess Who. But it's so rainy. It's too rainy. I got my hair cut and straightened perfectly and its super wavy from having gone to the fest last night, and it wasn't even THAT humid. The fest last night was really cool but I just wasn't into it. I got a good laugh out of old people, drunk people, trashy people. I heard some great Chicago tunes. But mostly I was pressed up with a ton of strangers and when i wanted to actually hear some music I couldn't because of all the stupid people around me. I took a beautiful ferry ride there and the ride back was filled with obnoxious drunks who wanted to yell and fight in the end. I don't think my boryfriend knows what to do when I'm sad, i guess since i'm not sad that often. If i'm mad I want to be left alone. If i'm depressed I just need extra loving. I would have liked some hugs and kisses and an arm around me last night. I'm not needy but i hate feeling neglected. Forgotten. I feel very forgotten. Not just because of Medardo, because of all my friends. I know he is way busier than me with school and work and football season and his guy friends. I see Medardo, Bree, Vicky, and Sophia most. But not even often. WHere/how do I spend all my time? Bree has her house and her family. I try to get with vicky when i can but she has her plans with her guy friends & im just squeezed in there. Sophia's always up for a good time but she lives in slidell and works and goes to school. where does all my time go? i try to visit the rest of my family, my grandparents on both sides, but it seems like i never have enough time for them. it makes me sad. i wish i had more time. why does it go by so fast? im not evenm going to bring up roger because he makes me hate myself and i think he's why i got into an even deeper funk when i should have pulled myself out of it. i hate the way my past has so much pull on me. still. okay, saints are up 16 - 0. that fumble/touchdown cheered me up. im getting off. im taking a bath. saints dont need me to watch to win. i hope when i finish soaking the rain will have stopped. maybe vicky will be home. maybe i can just cry and let it all out and feel so much better. maybe that's all i need to do since i never cry. done. out.
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12:30am 21/08/2009
mood: drained
My vacation has come to an end. Tommorrow we have a plane trip home: at the airport around noon, plane leaves around 3, a stop in Houston, home around 9. Have to work at 830 Saturday morning. Going to Boomtown to spin the wheel because Saturday is also my birthday. Then for some celebration.

I've had a great time out here with Medardo. We ran around like crazy in Hollywood & the surrounding areas. I feel like i've done so much. I need a vacation after this vacation. Just for a break. Just to get more sleep.
09:33am 10/08/2009
mood: busy
whoa ho ho

i've got today, tommorrow, wednesday and then thursday before i'm off to los angeles. for a week. when i come back it's my birthday. 25. I should start figuring out how I'm celebrating. I was thinking a bar followed by the midnight show at the prytannia, which is Peewee's Big Adventure that Saturday. I think it'd be a good time.

selling things on ebay hasn't been working out for me.

our garage sale this weekend went very well despite all the rain.

i didn't sit still this weekend and i didn't sleep much. it seemed like everyone wanted to celebrate thier birthday and I couldn't even make all of the stuff onh my lists.

today i'm getting my hair fixed. finally! cut & colored. i like my natural color, i really do, but it's so many wierd colors right now from having died it black to covor the purple i had two years ago. i've been growing out my hair now for a year. this is the longest i've seen it since i was a kid. and it drives me crazy because of the nots, because my hair is so wavy, because my hair is so thick and big. i normally just shove it in a pony tail. this is some much needed love for my hair.

imma miss my little peanut when i'm in l.a. he sleeps with me every night that i'm home. i'm his favorite.

i have some exercises to do before i go to work. i shouldn't spend much more time on here.

i had a dream last night that i got to l.a., right as the plane was landing i realized i didn't pack anything. but i found 20$ on the floor in the airport so i went to walmart.

i came home kinda early last night to make a dent i the laundry i have to do before leaving for a week. but the washermachine's broken. go figure.


im working this t-pain show at the house of blues tommorrow. promotional stuff for samsung. imma get 100$ for the four hours i'm there. and i sure itll be an expierience. i'm ready :)

wednesday i'm going to visit sabrina at her new house. she's making me lasagna and brownies, too. :D

thursday is my last day here, i plan on making sure everything's pack, i'm all ready to go.
friday my plane is for 1040. i'll be ready early. we have a stop in denver but i'm excited. mardardo will be with me every step of the way. aaaawesome.